A Game.

This is a little story-game for everyone.

What you do is you post a comment containing only 4 WORDS in reply to the previous one.

Okay here we go!-

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Once upon a time...

Popularity-Part1

The Unofficial Guide to Blogging Popularity!

How to have a popular blog with little to no effort.

A very bad satire...

Day 1. Setting up your account.

Go to the create a blog page.
For the title, write "My Blog."
Then pick your username.
Your username must be

easy to remember,
exceptional,
original,
interesting
and should spark controversy and such...

Too bad www.motherfucker.blogspot.com is taken....
Mother Fucking name-waster!

Try out other usernames.
Your username must contain some form of profanity.

Customise your blog template.
Choose a simple layout, with minimal colors.
This way, you will let your visitors know you are a serious blogger and that you should be taken seriously because YOU take things seriously...

Edit your settings....

For the blog description, write "The best blog in the whole world."
Save your settings and republish your blog.
When you're done setting up your account,
Go to sleep...

Day 2. Your First Post.

Your first post must be dramatic and controversial...
It must relate to all kinds of viewers
and it should leave them with a penetrating impression
of who you are.


Your first post should be entitled "My thoughts on life..."
Then for the body, type in-

"Fuck..."

Shit! You are now extremely tired and you should go to sleep!


Day 3. Customise your layout.

Get a free site-counter, one that is big and extravagant.
You can search www.google.com for "Free Site-Counter"
and there are many services available.
Place the code into your template
just below the "I power Blogger" button.
Now you can track how often your site is visited.
After all that searching and code-editing,
you deserve 10 long hours of sleep.

Day 4. Adverstise your blog.
Tell everybody about your new blog.
Tell your neighbours,
your boss,
your teacher,
your online and offline friends,
your secret-online-webcam-partner,
your local drug dealer,
your local P.I.M.P,
the biggest bitch in your town,
your church's gay priest,
every single homosexual in your whole neighbourhood,
your ex,
your crush,
your stalker,
your stalkee,
the biggest blab in your town,
the richest man,
the most bothering homeless person,
your dog,
your fish,
Everyone!

Wow wasn't that tiring?
Get 11 hours of sleep this time...



Day 5. More Adverstising of your blog.

Visit the most frequently read blogs
or any random active blog,
and post on their shoutbox, or comment, leaving a link to your blog...

Then go to sleep...


Day 6. Check your blog status.

Check your site counter.
WHAT?!! only 3 visits!!!!!! WTF!!!
You are completely pissed off and decide to get an ice-cream...

Then you go to sleep...

Day 7. Organise some link-exchange.

Make a graphic button using MS Paint.
You don't need any expensive imaging programs
to be popular...

Write "My Blog" with your mouse.
Make sure your button's size is fairly noticeable.
88 x 31 pixels is just fine.

Save your button as "myblog.gif" or "myblog.jpg"
and host it somewhere.

Now you have an official graphic button of your blog!!
Well isn't that just smart and efficient of you?!

Below your site-counter,
place your graphic button and type in "Link to me."

Visit some blogs.

Ask the owner if they would like to have a link exchange.
Save their blog button and put it on your page.
You must have at least 45 graphical buttons on your sidebar.
Animated buttons, that take about a minute to load each,
are recommended...

With a multitude of banners on your sidebar,
people would start to think you are really popular...

By now, your blog should be looking like this-

Title: My Blog.

Description: The Best Blog in the Whole World.

And for the content of course, we have:

"My thoughts on life...- Fuck..."

On your sidebar you have:

Recent Posts, Archives,

The "I Power Blogger" Button,

and those animated link buttons that come in full color taking up a gazillion years to complete loading...

You must force your visitors to wait for each button to complete loading,
Because they are on your soon to be popular blog,
and anything on your sexy, fantastic, awesome blog,
deserves to be waited upon...


You're looking very popular there!


You have done one heck of a job for today,
and you decide to go masturbate for relief.

Then you go straight to bed....


Day 8. Check your Comments.

You should have gotten some comments
for your First entry- "My thoughts on life- Fuck."

Anonymous- "Hey i love your blog! Really original!"

Anonymous- "Wow! that's so kewl!"

Anonymous- "I can't wait for your next entry!"

DO NOT REPLY TO ANY OF YOUR COMMENTS.

People will start to wonder why you are not replying
and they will, all the more visit your blog...

There will be some people who will think you suck,
but that is only because they are jealous
of your fast becoming popularity...

And you now have 46 hits according to your site counter....

You oughtta celebrate!


Then go to sleep...



Day 9. Your second Entry.

After all that jazz, it is time for you to get much more serious...
It is time for you to post your second entry...
It will be even more dramatic
and certainly much more controversial
and your visits will definitely increase in number...


Create a new post.

Entitle it- "I am Politically Correct..."
and for the body of your post, type in the following:

"George W. Bush has a 1 mm dick..."

Phew! That was really stressful huh?

You decide to sleep for as long as possible...

Number of visits to your blog= 72.


Day 10. Getting a bit more proffessional...
Today we are going to learn "The Copy-paste technique..."
Open NotePad or any word document processor.
Type in the following:

"Wow! that was awesome! please take the time to visit my blog!
{insert your blog's address here}"

Now select all of the text and copy.

Visit the blogs you have made a link exchange with.
On their comments or shoutbox section paste the copied text.
Just keep on pasting on the comment-pages of all the blogs.
Do the exact same thing for all of them.

Wowie! You deserve a bigger ice-cream for all your efforts today. And some more sleep.

Number of visits to your blog= 94.


Day 11. Leaving your blog.

You have recieved a lot of bad comments
on your second post and even more on the first.
Are these people blind? Why can't they see your awesomeness?
Why don't they appreciate your genius?!!
You feel really threatened by these fucktards,
and you don't feel like blogging anymore...
You deserve a vacation from blogging and lots of sleep too...

So you decide to leave your blog...


Post in a new entry.
Entitle it "The long goodbye..."
For the body of your post, type in the following:

"Because a lot of you bloggers have been really mean to me,
i have decided to leave this blog FOREVER!
I am so depressed that nobody loves me...
All i try to do is have an opinion and you people bring me down...

I hate this life!"


And with that, go visit some random blogs
and leave the following comment for all of them.
It will be useful to use "The copy-paste technique"
in this situation...


Type in-


"I am so sad. visit my blog. {insert blog's address here} "


Leave this line on the comments-page
or on the shoutbox.

Now go to sleep.

Number of visits- 130.


Day 12. The Final Step to officially becoming a popular blogger.

Do not visit your site for at least 2 weeks...
When you come back, post a new entry.
Explain that you have returned
and you have now decided to post "real" entries.
This time, Reply to all your comments
using "The copy-paste technique."


Type in whatever you want,
explain to them that you got really bad advice on blogging,
from this blog...

And remember, be true to yourself.
Because with only 3 posts and a hell of a lot of sleeping,
You are now officially Blog-Popular!!

So there's no need for any further self-promotion
although "The copy-paste-technique"
might come in handy sometime in the future...

As a reward for all your "hard-work",
you decide to go to sleep...
or maybe masturbate...
or both...

Post an entry about your pet.
Revisit your Blog.


Number of visits= 235.


And that is how you become popular,
with little to no effort...


Continued on The Unofficial Guide to Blogging Popularity Part 2.

Popularity-Part2

The Unofficial Guide to Blogging Popularity! (Part II)

More ways to get more hits!

The sequel to a very bad satire...

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE,
YOU MUST THOROUGHLY READ AND UNDERSTAND THE PROCEDURES DESCRIBED IN
THE UNNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO BLOGGING POPULARITY PART 1.

Riiiiiight.....
Hokay, so you've followed through with all the steps on how to become popular,
But you're STILL not as popular as i am...

You're beginning to think that this is all just a hoax,
or maybe just some way so that I can get promoted,
and you're starting to have your doubts
about whether any of the procedures that i claim work,
actually do...

But you see,
I am already an EXPERT
in the ways of BLOG-POPULARITY...
And YOU? You are still just a caterpillar,
munching away at my advices,
waiting to become a butterfly...

THAT IS YOUR DESTINY!!!
and i am here to help you fulfill it,
as long as you keep on feeding from my hands...

I might have forgotten to mention that,
Becoming popular involves a lot more work
than copy-pasting, eating ice-cream,
masturbating and sleeping...
Which is why i have decided to detail some more
helpful tips, hints, guidelines and procedures
for you to follow...



Let's pick up from where we last left...

Day 13. Really Good Shit. (R.G.S)

Today we are going to learn about R.G.S or Really Good Shit for short...
Really Good Shit is how you describe topics
that contain a very high unstable state of controversy...
If you want people to keep coming back to your blog,
you must only choose topics that are R.G.S.

for example-

"My first blow-job..."

Do not post anything about the events of your regular day...
You are supposed to be popular...
Popular people do not have boring lives...
Popular people are blonde, dumb and have big boobies... (Why did Pamela Anderson suddenly come to mind... oh well...)
It is okay for popular people to swear when they talk because they are cool...

YOU ARE A CELEBRITY ON YOUR BLOG!

So you must talk, act, and think like one...
I encourage you to post your embarassing moments,
because it is ok for celebrities to be humiliated...

Omg... who would have thought being popular could be so tiring?
sleepy-time!

Day 14. Choosing your swear word.

Today we are going to choose a swear word.
You are to use your swear word at all times...
Unleash your creative skills and
try to come up with an original swear word...
Combining insults to piece a swear-word together can work wonders!
But what is important is that you get to use it
constantly throught your blog...


If your swear word cannot be found within FOUR (4) seconds
when you visit your page,
You are not doing it right...

After a day of filling your head with new jumbled up words,
you decide to go to sleep.
If you are somehow able to include

your swear-word in your dreams,
you are on the right track...

Ice-cream and masturbation is optional tonight...

Day 15. Posting your R.G.S and announcing your swear-word.

Create a new post.
You have been given 2 days
to think about an R.G.S,
and to come up with an original swear-word.
Your post should look something like this-

Title:

"My first blow-job..."

and for the body of your text type in:

"It was {insert original swear-word here}"

Okay that is enough for today,

you can go to sleep.

Day 16. Check your blog status.

View the sexy site-counter you've created from last time...

Number of visits to your blog= 412

WOW! Now we're talking!!!
Kudos to blow-jobs!!!

But what's this?!

YOU HAVE 8 COMMENTS!!!

View your worshipper's comments...

Anonymous: "Where are the details? how big was it? where'd the yummy stuff go?!"

Anonymous: "OMG! YOU WERE A VIRGIN?"

Anonymous: "You should at least tell us if you swallowed..."

Anonymous: "DAMMIT! I wanted the pornography..."

Anonymous: "OMG! I love you! you're so thrilling! I bet you're gonna post in the details later on ja?

Anonymous: "What does {insert swear word here} mean?"

Britney: "FUCK YOU BITCH! DON'T EVER GO NEAR HIM AGAIN!"

Anonymous: "It's okay, we're here for you..."

DO NOT REPLY TO YOUR COMMENTS-YET!

just fuck 'em...

get TWO(2) big ice-creams...

then go to sleep...

Day 17. Replying to your comments...

A popular blogger always makes his/her readers wait...
It is custom to reply to your admirer's comments with a sense of fashionable procrastination...

And remember, when replying to these common people,
You must remain straight-forward
and in constant usage of your swearing trademark...

To anonymous- "You are fucktarded"

To anonymous- "You are fucktarded."

To anonymous- "You are fucktarded..."

To anonymous- "You are fucktarded!"

To anonymous- "You are fucktarded!!!"

To Britney- "His dick was small... you can have him back..."

To anonymous- "Well, Thanks... At least you're not THAT fucktarded like the others..."

Check your sexy site counter...

Number of visits to your blog= 468

Day 18. The ADVANCED Copy-Paste-Technique...

You are already familiar with the Copy-Paste Technique,
But i bet you didn't know there was
"An ADVANCED Copy-Paste-Technique" did you?

I thought so...

But not to worry!
This technique does not require a genius to be executed...
Any real popular person can do it...

Let's say you have already posted another R.G.S.
It is time to expand your network of commoner-people-friends...

Open your Notepad or word processor...

Type in the following:

"This blog is {insert official swear word}!! {insert your blog's address here}"

Go to your main page.

On your top-right corner of your blog,
You should see the "Next" button...

Click it...

Now it is time to get into super-copy-pasting-ninja mode...

1. Go to the random blogger's comments...

2. Paste the copied text.

3. Submit your comment.

4. Go back to the main page.

5. Click the "Next" button...

6. Repeat steps 1-5 until you feel like masterbating...

or go get an ice-cream...

then go to sleep...

And that my friends was "The ADVANCED-Copy-Paste-Technique..."

You must use this technique ONLY to expand your network of commoner blogging worshippers...

Day 19. Power-up Link Exchange!

Today we are going to power up your link exchanges!
You probably still have those 45 fully colored and animated .GIF buttons...
But more worshippers call for more link buttons!

Follow the same procedure from last time...

You should now have more than 90 animated link buttons and the total duration for all of them to complete loading, takes about an hour and 45 minutes...

Remember that you must force your visitors to wait for all of them to finish loading...

THAT is how special you are...

Don't you feel really special?
You should...
Get an ice-cream you special popular person!

then go to sleep...

Day 20. Popularity has it's price.

Here are things you MUST NOT DO.

You must not reply to comments as soon as you get them.

Wait for at least 6 days before proceeding with the copy-paste thankyous...

You must not Have less than 10 Animated link buttons!

That is just not popular-ish enough...

You must not Masturbate too much...

It kinda takes up your energy...
You must save some for the sake of your blog.

You must not eat too much ice-cream.

Sweet-tooth eh?
Take note that you still have to watch your weight for your cult-followers...

You must update your blog at least 5 days a week.

A regularly updated blog, is a well trafficed blog...
Be dedicated to it... It is the main reason you are popular...

You must not talk constantly about your blog.

Your blog is like a celebrity's mansion.
They don't brag about it too much but they have a lot of visitors...
Learn the art of being fashionably snobby in moderation...
Your visitors will be sooooo jealous!
But hey, they still want a piece of the limelight...
and they will do anything to get featured on your sidebar...
They will post the rudest comments,
or try to make you laugh with their lame reactions...
But you musn't pay attention to these pheasants...
They're the ones who keep visiting your sexy blog...

THEY NEED YOU!!!

You must constantly use your original swear-word.

nuff said...
that is one of the main elements as to why your blog is soo popular.
Having an effective swear-word is like having an effective name.
It's like being named America...

Number of visitors to your blog= 666



Day 21. Checking your Blog's Status.

Let us see how you're going you sly popular bloggie!

Title of your blog= My {insert swear word here} blog.

Description= The best {insert swear word here} blog in the whole {insert swear word here} world!

For the body we have- "My first blow job... - It was {insert swear word here}..."

And on the side bar we have:

The "I Power Blogger Button" and 93 other animated link buttons that take God-knows-what-time to load..

and finally you have your

Site Counter with 1356 visits..........................................

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKAMOOLISHIOUSNESS OF THE FUCKTARDEDNESSITY IN THE ASS-HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHITTLES OF MAH JIZZLES WIT DA BAW WIT DA BEE FOR REAL MOTHER FUCKING IDEPENELUJIOUS KANTARUNEYEMENEMOOTULA INSANITY STRIKING DETER-SHINATED GWERTFOORQUARTERUALOGY OF THE REGISTRATIONALISED FUCKINEQUITY TRANSVESTITITITY BLOWJOBITITIS FUCKTARDED FUCKING RESULT IS THAT!

WOW! LIKE... FUCKING FUCKTARDED WOW! YOU ARE SO FUCKING POPULAR YOU MOTHER FUCKING FUCKTARD!!!

YOU HAVE GOT TO MASTURBATE BY LUBRICATING YOURSELF WITH ICE-CREAM!

FUCKING. FUCK.

oh and yeah...

Start callin your blog "a journal.." it seems a lot more personal that way...

...sleep...

Day 22. Nude Pictures

If all else fails, you could resort to pornography...

Number of visits to your blog= 2085...

CAN YOU HANDLE THE POPULARITY?!?

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Consider this guide as the "Yoga of blogging..."

If you have any suggestions that you think might help in making your blog popular,please share it with us through the comments...
Take note that the spammer-ninja-guy is still on the loose...
My name is NOT America...